Time to document Harper’s birth story! But first, a bit about my pregnancy with her.
Ever since the 3rd trimester began, she started dropping behind on her growth measurements. At 33 weeks I was hit with the flu which put her behind even further. It got to the point where at 37 weeks she was measuring a full 4 weeks behind, so my midwife ordered an ultrasound for IUGR (intrauterine growth restriction). The ultrasound would tell us if she needed to come out sooner than later. She was confident there wasn’t going to be anything scary on the ultrasound, but that this would give us reassurance that home birth was still a safe option for me and baby. That ultrasound confirmed that she was fine. In fact, by 37 weeks + 2 days she had bounced from 33 weeks to 35 weeks, and by my next appointment at 38 weeks she was measuring 37 weeks, so she basically jumped back up 4 weeks in 1 week’s time. That said, her growth stayed behind all the way until she was delivered. At my 41 week appointment she was still measuring only 37 weeks. It made me grateful that I was able to stay pregnant as long as I was because it was just giving her the extra time and nutrients she needed before being born.
With that 41 week appointment came some blunt discussions on what needed to happen within the next week. Going over a due date is fine, but legally Tabitha needed me to be in labor by Monday March 9th in order for us to proceed with our home birth plan. This put some stress on me because I felt like she needed more time due to the IUGR, yet here we were with a deadline days away. I have gone late with babies before (as far as 41 weeks + 5 days), but this was different. While I felt like she wasn’t ready to be born, here we were putting a countdown on her even though everything else about my pregnancy was thriving. Her heart rate was perfect, my blood pressure perfect, no swelling, not a thing suggesting that she needed to come out sooner than later aside from the due date. So that was a source of frustration for me, but what can you do? I needed to let go of all of that because I could not control when she would come. I could only pray and ask Heavenly Father to please give me the beautiful birth I had been praying for this whole time and to please let her come in time. Well Heavenly Father and Harper heard my prayers because they heard, “Please come by Monday,” and she was born Sunday night.
That appointment was on Tuesday March 3rd, so for the rest of the week I was doing ALL the things to try to induce labor naturally. I went curb walking when the weather was nice and resorted to hundreds of sideways step-ups at the gym when the weather was yucky. On March 5th I started to have some bloody show! Huzzah! Historically when I’ve had bloody show I have a baby within the next 24 hours! This was very encouraging …except that no baby came. But hey, at least I knew *something* was happening on its own. I continued to lose mucus plug over the next couple of days with still no baby. On March 6th I started doing three one-hour pumping sessions with my breast pump to try to stimulate oxytocin and contractions. I had contractions all that night anywhere from 10-30 minutes apart only for them to stop the next morning. I called Tabitha Saturday morning to give her an update. She was confident I’d be having a baby soon! I was just hoping it would be in time for it to be at home. I did more pumping sessions on Saturday, curb walking, and overall treating the house like this was my last day being pregnant. I spruced up the bedroom and bathroom one last time sure that she would be coming soon. We finally installed her car seat! I went on a short walk in the gorgeous spring weather and prayed and prayed.
Saturday night at midnight I woke up to a contraction. I remember waking up to the waning gibbous moon that had just made its way over the horizon, shining through my window as I had a stronger contraction than I had had the previous nights (how’s that for painting a picture for ya?). I thought, “Okay, this is different.” I decided to time it and see what happened. I had contractions every hour or so until 4:00 AM and then they started coming every half hour. They felt similar in strength so I kept timing them to see how the morning would progress.
The previous nights I would have contractions through the night but as soon as morning came around, they would stop. So I was curious how these contractions would go: would they continue to get closer together, or would they stop? I was trying not to be too “in my head” about it because stress certainly wouldn’t help my situation, but I was feeling the pressure….it was today or it was a hospital induction.
By 9:00AM they were still coming every half hour so I decided to update Tabitha. I had a lot more bloody show that morning which was encouraging, yet I still wasn’t sure if these contractions were going to turn into anything. I asked Justin to get kids ready and get them over to Chandos’s house. I called Tabitha and told her what was happening: she decided to go ahead and come. After our phone call I had two more contractions, all the sudden only 10 minutes apart. Oh boy! I thought: perfect! By the time Tabitha gets here they will be five minutes apart and I’ll have a baby by noon! I wasn’t having a lot of contractions considering how far apart they were, but they were strong. With Tabitha coming I was feeling more confident that this was *it* after so much discouragement all week.
After those two contractions, however, they spaced out again. I didn’t have one for 30 minutes, then 15, then back to 30…basically contractions all over the place. Meanwhile Justin was getting the last-minute preparations ready for birth: he was filling up the pool (which I worried about because I didn’t think I was QUITE that close). Tabitha was worried she wasn’t going to make it so she was giving Justin instructions on how to catch the baby if needed - ha!
At 11:35AM Tabitha arrived only for me to tell her that my contractions had backed way off! I had two that were 30 minutes apart, then some that were 10 minutes, back to 15 minutes… you get the drill. Tabitha checked on baby and confirmed that her position was wonky. I’ve had a poorly positioned baby before, and his birth was my most challenging (even though he was my smallest). I had a weird labor pattern with that delivery as well. Baby had her back on my right side facing the front, and what you really want is for baby to rotate to the left side with her head facing to the back. As I mentioned, she’s measured small this whole pregnancy, so there was just too much room for her to move where she wanted rather than locking in.
From my appointment on Tuesday the plan was for me to do a membrane sweep and castor oil Sunday night if labor hadn’t started yet. Where early labor had started, but not active labor yet, Tabitha suggested we wait and see what the next couple of hours brought. She and Justin went to work emptying the pool. I decided to take a nap to try to rest up from my lousy night’s rest and all the work my contractions had done thus far.
At 2:00 PM with no progress other than sporadic contractions anywhere from 15-30 minutes apart, we decided to try castor oil and the sweep. Thankfully Tabitha only had me take 1 oz of the castor oil (she said most midwives have you take 4!!) and her sweep was no big deal. I was dreading that part because my previous midwife absolutely wrecked me when she did a membrane sweep on me for Emmett. Tabitha even said, “I’m really aggressive,” …. Ha! It was nothing. Crisis averted. The good news was I was dilated 4cm! Tabitha even said she'd call it a "stretchy 7" but we went with the 4cm for now. Justin mixed the castor oil with some vanilla ice cream and I gobbled that down no problem. I got my breast pump out and used that for an hour, then went outside and walked around the yard for a while. I had three contractions 15 minutes apart and then all of the sudden they were 10 minutes apart, 9, 8… active labor had finally arrived! I laid in bed and breathed through contractions for an hour. I asked Justin to get the pool ready. At 5:00PM contractions were 5 minutes apart. I got in the pool and didn’t have a contraction for 15 minutes. Gravity being less in the water, it took a second for things to get going again. From 5:00PM-6:15PM contractions came every 3-5 minutes.
As contractions got stronger and I’d been in labor longer, I was beginning to wonder when I would start to feel ready to push. I’d have a contraction and *kinda* feel like pushing, but when I would try to push there wasn’t anything there. After one contraction I turned to Tabitha and said I was open to standing up or moving to the toilet if she thought that would bring on the bigger contractions I needed to start to push. She said, “I just think you’re so close…” She was waiting to see my water break, which would be the next thing to happen. I said, “I always forget about that part,” because in all my labors my water hasn’t broken until I reach 10 cm. Sure enough, at 6:45PM I finally had a contraction where the urge to push was undeniable. I pushed with the urge and I absolutely felt her move down. I remember yelling out “Oh [expletive] yes yes, that is it, yes that’s it!” because YES *this* was the kind of contraction I was waiting for! No more confusion about feeling *kinda* pushy before - this was what I needed to wait and be patient for.
I had a few more contractions without feeling the urge to push, so I asked Tabitha if she could check me. She said I was complete with a bit of a cervical lip: but after feeling around she must’ve moved it out of the way because once she removed her hand I had a huge contraction (7:05PM) and pushed. The last of my mucus plug came out. I had a few other contractions but didn’t feel the urge to push with them so I just worked through them. I was laboring on my knees at this point, holding Justin’s arm as I pushed and contracted. Let me tell you something…I have had four labors with this man, but he truly shined on this last and final labor of mine. He’s the best daddy doula a gal could ask for! At 7:15PM I had another big contraction and pushed with it: I felt movement and Tabitha said, “There goes your water.” I kept pushing and her head began to crown. I could feel the ring of fire - my second time of my five labors having that sensation (again, the last time was with my other poorly positioned, teeny baby!). At some point Tabitha had mentioned to Justin about getting ready to catch baby. I shook my head “No,” because I wanted Justin to stay with me, so she said, “Okay then you’re going to catch your baby.” So at this point with her head crowning Tabitha tells me to move my leg into a lunge position and put my hands down to feel her head: I was going to catch her on this next push!
I asked Tabitha, “Can I push her out on this one or should I hold off?” I wasn’t sure if it would be better to get her head first, then her body to avoid tearing. But she said “Go for it.” That final contraction took a second to get here. I finally said, “My leg is getting tired,” moved it over a bit, and BAM that ushered in my last contraction. Sure enough, I pushed with all my might and as soon as her head came, the rest of her body came right with it. I caught her, sat back and brought her up out of the water onto my chest: WE DID IT!!!! She was born at 7:20PM, 6 lbs 14 oz, 20” long.
Justin quickly got a video going. Tabitha had heard some decels earlier when checking on her and she had a feeling she would need some help coming around. Right away she got the oxygen ready while I gave her a few breaths. After a few pumps of oxygen she gave us a big cough and her first cries.
Here I want to remark on the difference between midwives at home and doctors in hospitals. Had this been a hospital birth so many things would have been different, but for this situation specifically: they likely would have had the cord cut right away and had her whisked away to be resuscitated. But here Tabitha just had me bring her to my chest, got the oxygen ready while I gave a few CPR breaths, and calmly gave her the oxygen she needed, all while she stayed with me. No panic. No rushing. In fact, three of my five babies have needed oxygen after being born to help them come around. People hear “midwife” and picture all sorts of strange misconceptions. But the truth is, midwives are licensed professionals trained to keep you and your baby safe, including in neonatal resuscitation. We stayed in the pool for probably 10 minutes and waited until the cord stopped pulsing to cut it, allowing all that extra blood to get to baby’s body.
Soon after I said, “You guys are the best!” I cherish my births all for different reasons, but this one with only Justin and my midwife there (who has delivered three of my five babies) was truly special. They both said, “You did everything, we didn’t do anything!” but honestly … who you birth with MATTERS and I am just so grateful that I have had such beautiful births full of support and love. Hers was the perfect capstone: I worked so hard to get her here, I went through the trenches waiting an extra 11 days past her due date, all for my one and only daughter! What a gift.
When I birthed the placenta, Tabitha noticed a feature on it right away that explained her IUGR. There was a thick ring that had developed around the whole outer circumference of the placenta (called a circumvallate placenta). She showed us how that was restricting the nutrients from the outer placenta, only allowing nutrients from the middle of the placenta to get to baby. She also remarked that my placenta was one of the biggest she’d seen. What a blessing that my placenta had enough to give her what she needed even with that restriction. It also explains why she was a petite 6 lbs 14 oz at 41 weeks + 4 days gestation.
This birth I felt the gambit of all the emotions: up until about 3:30-4:00PM before the active labor hit, I was fine working through the contractions…but once that active labor hit there was everything: Tabitha caught a sweet picture of Justin holding me right before I got in the birth pool. I’m crying not because of the pain, but because of what getting in the pool meant: FINALLY we were going to have this baby! FINALLY I was *actually* in real labor. Tears of gratitude but also feeling so much love and support from Justin. It was a beautiful moment.
In the pool I breathed through contractions really well. When I would have a really strong one, I would hum or vocalize through it. Justin took a couple videos capturing some of those. I allowed myself to scrunch my eyebrows if I was having a particularly hard one, but that was it! I stayed completely relaxed otherwise, and with each rest I would pray, “Thank you God for this rest. Thank you for your perfect design of birth and giving me these moments of rest. Please God allow my body to totally relax and rest in these moments so I am ready for the next one.” I had a LOT of prayers like that during my rest periods. I would smile and thank God for actually being in labor and that I was having my baby soon! I would finish a contraction and be crying and Tabitha would ask, “Are you in pain?” I couldn’t explain it fully while in labor land, but my tears were a mixture of a lot of things: gratitude for being in labor, gratitude for Justin and Tabitha who I love and who were the best support team ever, feeling the absolute power of these contractions and wanting it to be DONE already…lots and lots of thoughts and feelings were behind the tears. But never once did I feel “out of control” or like I was trying to escape what was happening. I was *in it* and I was able to stay on top of every contraction, welcoming each with a huge deep breath and working through whatever that contraction brought, whether it brought baby down or pushed her out. I am so proud of myself for that, especially after a long confusing day of a strange early labor pattern, and especially because of all the added stress that the day brought knowing it was my last day to have her before timing out of my home birth.
My two aunties came to visit us a few days later. They were surprised to hear that I’ve had all my babies at home with midwives rather than at a hospital. They asked me how that came about because it’s definitely not common.
I told them how prior to having kids, anytime I heard women talk about birth it was never in a positive way. It was mostly comparing trauma and battle scars, with women venting to one another about the terrible experiences they had had. Something within me rebuked that. Before I was ever pregnant I knew I wanted something different for myself. Thankfully, when I got pregnant with my first, there were women in my life who did have positive birth stories… the ones they had out of hospital, anyway. When I had more than one mom say to me, “If I could go back, I’d have all my kids with [midwife’s name],” I knew I wanted to learn more. It was meeting my midwife in Washington that ultimately gave me the courage to switch from the OB provider I had to the midwifery model of care, and I never looked back.
I have been so blessed to have low-risk pregnancies that allow me the choice to birth where I feel the most supported and safe. Not all factors of pregnancy are controllable (hello IUGR and circumvallate placenta), but I have to give myself the credit that I work really hard in my pregnancies to keep them low-risk to be able to give birth outside of hospital. With Harper, I walked two miles almost every day of my whole pregnancy, plus weight lifted 3-4 times each week. I did specific stretches every day as I got later into my pregnancy to prep for birth. Sure enough, she was born with me in a lunge position which allowed me to catch her - a stretch I would do every day. Tracking the pregnancy tea and dates, protein and water intake…it was a lot. My body was ready to give birth. Not only physically, but mentally I prepared by reading up on my favorite birth books and listening to my favorite birth podcasts. I took my birth preparation seriously and my hard work paid off.
While home birth isn’t for everyone and hospitals certainly have their place, I hope in my small sphere of influence I can be a voice that changes the negative narrative surrounding birth. It does not have to be that way for you. I treasure each of my birth experiences. I hope all women feel as supported and empowered giving birth as I have in mine, regardless of where it is. For me, that was with choosing a midwife and choosing to “birth on my turf.”
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